YOSSARIAN!!(?)!

"A moment ago there had been no Yossarians in his life; now they were multiplying like hobgoblins. He tried to make himself grow calm. Yossarian was not a common name; perhaps there were not really three Yossarians but only two Yossarians, or maybe even only one Yossarian – but that really made no difference! The colonel was still in grave peril. Intuition warned him that he was drawing close to some immense and inscrutable cosmic climax, and his broad, meaty, towering frame tingled from head to toe at the thought that Yossarian, whoever he would turn out to be, was destined to serve as his nemesis."

 That Yossarian is a pain in the neck! After hearing his dreaded name from the chaplain, I haven't relaxed since. This man is threatening to rebel against the sixty missions I just ordered my men to fly. Also, another man named Yossarian stood naked in his ranks when he was receiving his Distinguished Flying Cross from General Dreedle himself! A man named Yossarian also got a medal for flying around a target twice! There are three Yossarians! I suspect that Yossarian was the one who moved the bomb line in bologna. To remind myself of the Yossarian situation, I wrote his name and used punctuation to show all of the trouble caused by him:

Yossarian! ! ! (?) !

His name is like his character, full of esses. His name is like subversive, seditious, insidious, socialist, suspicious, fascist, and communist. I have now made a list of all of the crimes of Yossarian. He has even had me reconsidering whether the men should fly 60 missions, since that was a little too much. I must eliminate this man or he shall become my greatest nemesis and prevent me from achieving the position of a general which is what I deserve.

Written by Colonel Cathcart